What We Carry: A Memoir
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-05-06 20:31:04
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Maya Shanbhag Lang
- ISBN：0525512411
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Summary
"A gorgeous memoir about mothers， daughters， and the tenacity of the love that grows between what is said and what is left unspoken。"--Mira Jacob， author of Good Talk
If our family stories shape us， what happens when we learn those stories were never true？ Who do we become when we shed our illusions about the past？
Maya Shanbhag Lang grew up idolizing her brilliant mother， an accomplished physician who immigrated to the United States from India and completed her residency all while raising her children and keeping a traditional Indian home。 Maya's mother had always been a source of support--until Maya became a mother herself。 Then the parent who had once been so capable and attentive became suddenly and inexplicably unavailable。 Struggling to understand this abrupt change while raising her own young child， Maya searches for answers and soon learns that her mother is living with Alzheimer's。
Unable to remember or keep track of the stories she once told her daughter--stories about her life in India， why she immigrated， and her experience of motherhood--Maya's mother divulges secrets about her past that force Maya to reexamine their relationship。 It becomes clear that Maya never really knew her mother， despite their close bond。 Absorbing， moving， and raw， What We Carry is a memoir about mothers and daughters， lies and truths， receiving and giving care， and how we cannot grow up until we fully understand the people who raised us。 It is a beautiful examination of the weight we shoulder as women and an exploration of how to finally set our burdens down。
Praise for What We Carry
Part self-discovery， part family history。 。 。 [Lang's] analysis of the shifting roles of mothers and daughters， particularly through the lens of immigration， help[s] to challenge her family's mythology。 。 。 。 Readers interested in examining their own family stories 。 。 。 will connect deeply with Lang's beautiful memoir。--Library Journal
（Starred Review）
"A stirring memoir exploring the fraught relationships between mothers and daughters 。 。 。 astutely written and intense 。 。 。 [What We Carry] will strike a chord with readers。" --Publishers Weekly
"Lang is an immediately affable and honest narrator who offers an intriguing blend of revelatory personal history and touching insight。" --BookPage
If our family stories shape us， what happens when we learn those stories were never true？ Who do we become when we shed our illusions about the past？
Maya Shanbhag Lang grew up idolizing her brilliant mother， an accomplished physician who immigrated to the United States from India and completed her residency all while raising her children and keeping a traditional Indian home。 Maya's mother had always been a source of support--until Maya became a mother herself。 Then the parent who had once been so capable and attentive became suddenly and inexplicably unavailable。 Struggling to understand this abrupt change while raising her own young child， Maya searches for answers and soon learns that her mother is living with Alzheimer's。
Unable to remember or keep track of the stories she once told her daughter--stories about her life in India， why she immigrated， and her experience of motherhood--Maya's mother divulges secrets about her past that force Maya to reexamine their relationship。 It becomes clear that Maya never really knew her mother， despite their close bond。 Absorbing， moving， and raw， What We Carry is a memoir about mothers and daughters， lies and truths， receiving and giving care， and how we cannot grow up until we fully understand the people who raised us。 It is a beautiful examination of the weight we shoulder as women and an exploration of how to finally set our burdens down。
Praise for What We Carry
Part self-discovery， part family history。 。 。 [Lang's] analysis of the shifting roles of mothers and daughters， particularly through the lens of immigration， help[s] to challenge her family's mythology。 。 。 。 Readers interested in examining their own family stories 。 。 。 will connect deeply with Lang's beautiful memoir。--Library Journal
（Starred Review）
"A stirring memoir exploring the fraught relationships between mothers and daughters 。 。 。 astutely written and intense 。 。 。 [What We Carry] will strike a chord with readers。" --Publishers Weekly
"Lang is an immediately affable and honest narrator who offers an intriguing blend of revelatory personal history and touching insight。" --BookPage
Reviews
Amruta
，
What will a woman choose when she is standing in a river， about to drown， with her baby held in her arms？ Will she choose herself or the baby？ Is there a "correct" choice？ Maya Shanbhag Lang navigates through her and her mother's choices in life and takes us on a wonderful journey of realization that choosing one or the other might not be the only options。 What will a woman choose when she is standing in a river， about to drown， with her baby held in her arms？ Will she choose herself or the baby？ Is there a "correct" choice？ Maya Shanbhag Lang navigates through her and her mother's choices in life and takes us on a wonderful journey of realization that choosing one or the other might not be the only options。 。。。more
Susan
，
This is a beautiful story of how mothers support and love us， and the complicated journey of coming to understand our own mother as a person with flaws。 Themes of immigration， childhood neglect， Alzheimer's and more thread through this memoir。 It is sad and wonderful and hopeful。 This is a beautiful story of how mothers support and love us， and the complicated journey of coming to understand our own mother as a person with flaws。 Themes of immigration， childhood neglect， Alzheimer's and more thread through this memoir。 It is sad and wonderful and hopeful。 。。。more
Michelle
，
I loved this book！ Lang takes the reader on a journey of her shifting relationship with her mother and her perspective of their history。 I imagine writing this book must have been cathartic for her。 It was beautifully insightful and I ended up highlighting whole sections。
Canran
，
“Once，” she began， “there was a woman in a river。 She held a child in her arms。 Her son。 She needed to cross the river， but it was much deeper than expected。 As the water reached her chest， she panicked。 She saw that she had a choice。 She could save herself or she could save her child。 They would not both make it。 What does she do？” This is the question pondered throughout the book as the writer recollected her abusive and neglected childhood， suicidal ideation， dealing with depression twice， ca “Once，” she began， “there was a woman in a river。 She held a child in her arms。 Her son。 She needed to cross the river， but it was much deeper than expected。 As the water reached her chest， she panicked。 She saw that she had a choice。 She could save herself or she could save her child。 They would not both make it。 What does she do？” This is the question pondered throughout the book as the writer recollected her abusive and neglected childhood， suicidal ideation， dealing with depression twice， caring for her young daughter as well as mothering her aging mother who is taken by Alzheimer’s disease。Can a woman choose herself instead of her child？ How does she face the judgement？ How does she live with herself after she let go？ What are the feelings to be felt other than anguish？ The stories we tell ourselves define our reality。Standing in the same river facing the same decision， I find this book speaks directly to my heart。 。。。more
Joanna
，
I really enjoyed reading this memoir。 It is about being a mother and the mother/daughter relationship。 There is one choice the author’s mother makes that I will never be able to fully understand- but the grace she shows her mother when she ages and begins to experience dementia- and her ability to love and forgive- is so admirable。
Nedra
，
A memoir that addresses the complicated relationship between mother and child， the cost of parenthood on selfhood， recognition of the myths inso many of the stories we tell or the narratives we create to see someone as we want them to be。 All of this is exposed in the caretaking of a mother with Alzheimer’s。 The memoir must have been liberating to write and though I recognize my own follies in parenting my child， I am also liberated by her discoveries。 Well worth the read。
Susan Curll
，
Loved this memoir！ What a beautiful depiction of a mother daughter relationship with cultural interest。Made me think about what I might be carrying and what would be ok to put down！
Zara
，
“Until we are in the river， up to our shoulders—until we are in that position ourselves， we cannot know the answer。 We tell ourselves we will sacrifice ourselves for our children， but the will to live is very strong。”There was a lot I’ll take with me from this book， about memory， mothers & daughters， the stories we tell， and the ways we think about sacrifice and parenting。
Divya
，
A poignant， heart-breaking， thoughtful， beautiful book！ It’s a lovely， aching reflection on the realities of being a mom and even more so， a daughter。 The author wrote this with so much vulnerability & care that I could feel myself empathizing and understanding deeply how she was feeling in any given moment。 A tough book to swallow， but one that feels so important and steeped in layers of gray - life isn’t easy， there are no black and white decisions。 An absolute must read！ And I made the decisi A poignant， heart-breaking， thoughtful， beautiful book！ It’s a lovely， aching reflection on the realities of being a mom and even more so， a daughter。 The author wrote this with so much vulnerability & care that I could feel myself empathizing and understanding deeply how she was feeling in any given moment。 A tough book to swallow， but one that feels so important and steeped in layers of gray - life isn’t easy， there are no black and white decisions。 An absolute must read！ And I made the decision to listen to the author herself narrate the book， even thought I’m not a traditional audio book listener， I thought it added yet another element for this particular story。 It deserves all the stars！ 。。。more
Ann Koenig
，
I enjoyed this memoir about mother and daughter relationship chaned bt dementia
Angie
，
this memoir is so good！！ thank you random house for the gifted copy。
Brittany
，
Couldn't put this down。 Such a beautiful memoir that hit incredibly close to home Couldn't put this down。 Such a beautiful memoir that hit incredibly close to home 。。。more
Tessa Adamski
，
What We Carry by Maya Shanbhag Lang is a poignant story about mothers and daughters; truth telling， dishonesty and survival; care-givers and care-takers; love and fear。 I read this book in less than 24 hours partly because the story was written from a place of raw emotion and gripping detail， and because every page， every chapter effortlessly flowed into the next。 This memoir is as beautiful as it is touching。 It tells the story of Maya， a daughter， who idolizes her mother -- a powerful， loving What We Carry by Maya Shanbhag Lang is a poignant story about mothers and daughters; truth telling， dishonesty and survival; care-givers and care-takers; love and fear。 I read this book in less than 24 hours partly because the story was written from a place of raw emotion and gripping detail， and because every page， every chapter effortlessly flowed into the next。 This memoir is as beautiful as it is touching。 It tells the story of Maya， a daughter， who idolizes her mother -- a powerful， loving and supportive female physician that immigrated to the U。S。 from India。 Maya reflects on her childhood， her mother’s maternal capabilities and loving nature， but everything changes after Maya gives birth to her daughter。 Suddenly her mother’s behaviour changes， she is unavailable， inattentive and endures frequent mood swings to which Maya and her brother soon learn is Alzheimers。 As Maya struggles with postpartum depression， she tries to build a new relationship and care routine for her Mom， often hearing untold secrets from her Mother’s past。A recurring theme in this book was about care-givers and having our needs met， especially as children。 I deeply resonated with Maya’s people-pleasing tendencies and her trauma response of deriving self-worth through being needed and giving。 The following two quotes highlight these feelings:“Maybe at our most maternal， we aren’t mothers at all。 We’re daughters， reaching back in time for the mothers we wish we’d had and then finding ourselves。” “To be needed is a gift， yes， but it can also be a way of hiding。” Overall， this is a great book and I highly recommend it。 。。。more
Helen
，
A well written， easy to read memoir， about what it means to be a daughter， a mother， and a woman; about caring for those we love and ourselves; about being a child of immigrants and being American; but mostly about being human。
Sonali
，
'Maybe at our most maternal， we aren’t mothers at all。 We’re daughters， reaching back in time for the mothers we wish we’d had and then finding ourselves。'—Maya Shanbhag Lang， What We Carry: A Memoir•Most families are dysfunctional， some more than the others。 And to seek some modicum of normalcy， we adopt certain roles; even idolize other family members to provide us with comfort。 For Maya Shanbhag Lang， her comfort was her mother。 She was her home。 But the pedestal Lang had put her beloved moth 'Maybe at our most maternal， we aren’t mothers at all。 We’re daughters， reaching back in time for the mothers we wish we’d had and then finding ourselves。'—Maya Shanbhag Lang， What We Carry: A Memoir•Most families are dysfunctional， some more than the others。 And to seek some modicum of normalcy， we adopt certain roles; even idolize other family members to provide us with comfort。 For Maya Shanbhag Lang， her comfort was her mother。 She was her home。 But the pedestal Lang had put her beloved mother on started to break， slowly and heartbreakingly， when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's。•I'm not a mother yet， don't know if/when I'll be one。 But this memoir opened my eyes and heart to countless emotions and struggles we not only carry but also burden others with。This absolutely beautiful memoir is peppered with little nuggets of wisdom and eye-opening situations that will stay with you for a long time。 This memoir is an honest portrayal of mother-daughter relationships， which is， in many ways， feminist in its theme as well。 I admired the way Lang talked about how women， as mothers， don't have to sacrifice themselves for their children， rather show them the way by following their own dreams and choosing themselves; moreover， be open about their struggles and feelings。 Because as she put it， sometimes even strength can be a weakness。•From seamless writing to soul-stirring moments， I couldn't find a flaw in this book。Watching your loved ones wither in front you is difficult， it makes you wonder how they were in the spring of their lives because we've only seen their winter。 It made me ruminate a lot， and I suggest every mother and every daughter to read this gem。 。。。more
Jan Middendorf
，
Really enjoyed this memoir。 Has a lot of good information for someone experiencing the stress of caring for a parent or even a child。
J。S。 Lee
，
Lang beautifully takes us through her complex journey with her mother—from child to caretaker—with much compassion and introspection。 Though subtle， I appreciated her additional commentary on caste and culture。 At its core though， it is a story of reaching through uncomfortable truths to get to a place of deep love and empowerment。
Divya Garg
，
To be needed is a gift， life is beautiful in its chaotic complexity， and we can handle more than we think。Seeing ourselves clearly is no easy task。What matters is that we hear the dissonance， pay attention to what makes us uncomfortable。 No matter the evidence before our eyes。 The story we tell ourselves always wins。 That is the power of stories， but also their danger。 Book with such a profound message， a heartfelt memoir about knowing oneself， rediscovering and accepting self - much more than w To be needed is a gift， life is beautiful in its chaotic complexity， and we can handle more than we think。Seeing ourselves clearly is no easy task。What matters is that we hear the dissonance， pay attention to what makes us uncomfortable。 No matter the evidence before our eyes。 The story we tell ourselves always wins。 That is the power of stories， but also their danger。 Book with such a profound message， a heartfelt memoir about knowing oneself， rediscovering and accepting self - much more than what looks to eye and what we keep on believing。 。。。more
Erin
，
Giveaway Win！
Denise
，
Oh my。 This book broke my heart。 I have a good friend who has told me she likes misery lit。 I am less inclined to read that genre， but the book description caught my eye。 I was hesitant to pick up another memoir。 I have read several excellent memoirs in the last 2-3 years。 I was lured in by the concept: A daughter that slowly learns that her family origin stories have changed when her mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease。The book was so much more。 Maya Shanbhag Lang is a very good writer Oh my。 This book broke my heart。 I have a good friend who has told me she likes misery lit。 I am less inclined to read that genre， but the book description caught my eye。 I was hesitant to pick up another memoir。 I have read several excellent memoirs in the last 2-3 years。 I was lured in by the concept: A daughter that slowly learns that her family origin stories have changed when her mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease。The book was so much more。 Maya Shanbhag Lang is a very good writer。 I read the book quickly。 It was beautiful， haunting and painful in places。 The mother/daughter relationship is complicated and the honesty in the writing really struck me。 I was sad for days after reading the book。 For both what I read， and for the introspection that comes from also having a mother who is aging quickly。 I share a trait with the author， we both refer to our moms as mom。 And I know she is Dr。 Shanbhag， but if the moms first name was revealed， I don't remember it and don't want to skim my kindle searching for it。 The one question I would ask the author's mom， if I could， is， "Why did you choose to leave India。" After all I read， that is what does not make sense to me。 。。。more
Sara Budarz
，
An absolutely beautiful memoir about the relationship between a mother and daughter and how they navigated the mother’s decline due to dementia。 It was a quick read and written so well that I was happy to give up an afternoon to binge read it from start to finish。 Highly recommended。
Crystal
，
I didn’t expect to love this book like I did。 I read a review or saw it listed somewhere， thought I would request it from the library and it was such a great surprise。 It was really beautiful。
Lynn
，
A wonderfully written memoir that explores the mother/daughter relationship as well as the many joys， new insights and burdens of being the caregiver of a mother with Alzheimer's。 A wonderfully written memoir that explores the mother/daughter relationship as well as the many joys， new insights and burdens of being the caregiver of a mother with Alzheimer's。 。。。more
Debby
，
She details my experience with my Mom all too well。
Chris
，
Amazing I read in one sitting and will read again to savor each page - just happened to see this in library it grabbed my attention and it shall remain with me as well as the mother and child in the river - who shall survive？ What choice to mak？ Let go or no？
Jenna Bachman
，
Good reflection on motherhood， what it means to be a caregiver， and the sacrifices we have to make。 Some of the chapters go a little too quickly for my taste--I prefer my memoirs to spend a lot of time in the moment and Lang relies a bit on summary。 Honestly reads more like a Ted Talk than a book， which isn't an insult （I enjoy Ted Talks and enjoyed this book！）， just a stylistic difference。Still， the reflections here are well done and structured around a consistent theme that raises a lot of tho Good reflection on motherhood， what it means to be a caregiver， and the sacrifices we have to make。 Some of the chapters go a little too quickly for my taste--I prefer my memoirs to spend a lot of time in the moment and Lang relies a bit on summary。 Honestly reads more like a Ted Talk than a book， which isn't an insult （I enjoy Ted Talks and enjoyed this book！）， just a stylistic difference。Still， the reflections here are well done and structured around a consistent theme that raises a lot of thought-provoking questions about what we owe to others and ourselves。 。。。more
Patricia
，
3。5 stars
Renee Swanson
，
This memoir explores the relationship between the author and her mother who immigrated from India， raised her children in a traditional Indian home and became physician。 The book explores the relationship between stories， secrets and myth。 Much is reexamined after the mother shows signs of Alzheimer。 It was great for a discussion with a group of women。
Sonia
，
I needed this book more than I expected。 Reading it was a healing experience。 It’s a beautiful story of womanhood， and the importance of choosing ourselves when the world asks so much of us。
Janet
，
Well written story about a woman and her relationship with her difficult mother。 She takes her into her home once she develops Alzheimer’s。 Beautifully told， heart touching story about relationships between mothers and daughters。 GlAd I read this one- look forward to having talk back session and interview with her coming up soon at Scarsdale adult Ed center。
Reference
google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=What We Carry: A Memoir
hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=What We Carry: A Memoir&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft